Saturday, March 30, 2024

Of Imps, Spas, and Disappointing Loot Rooms: Another Day in Hell

 So Raphaels loot room turned out to be a complete bust it was totally empty by the time Craig and Myles followed Dave into the room.   Dave was a bit battered after being blown off the stairs 20 times trying to make a +7 Arcance check (needing 20).  (They never taught demonic lock picking of infernal gems at wizard school.   Or maybe I skipped that class).   Then it's off to the exit, tripped over a few imps, took a dip in the restorative spa on the way.

As expected, just as we were leaving Raphael turned up, and was not impressed with uninvited visitors.  He monologued a lot about kittens and children and mice, told us we could have ruled the world with his help and now we were done.  Zaph had his funny hat on and tried to convince Yurgir to join the winning team, unfortunately, Zaph is not as persuasive as we thought he was so that was a flop (like the hat).   We tried to delay and offer an alternative option to death, but we couldn't think of an option.  Raphael has 666 hp which is more than our entire party combined, that's without counting Yurgi and a bunch of Vengeful Cambions.   Ever wondered what the Vengeful is for in Vengeful Cambion?  Hope jumped into the middle of the room, called down divine intervention from her god, did 8-80 radiant damage on all enemies in a 15m radius, and Vengful = reflected radiant damage as fire - WTF LARIAN - leaving Hope a smoking pile of ash on the floor.

Then there are the weird glowing pillars that give Raphael huge dex bonuses, saving throw bonuses and soul drain for super-powered spells, and an extra 4-80 fire damage on attacks.   We ain't putting up with that crap, so Myles opened up with smoke powder arrows, knocking one pillar down by 2/3rds, Craig disintegrated one straight off the bat and put the spikey growth out while his minions went toe to claw with the Cambions, and we slew Yurgir again (just stay dead already, losing team my Githyanki arse).

Next round Myles swapped targets and started peppering Raphael, Dave tried the disintegrate to get rid of another pillar, Zaph opened the can of paladin whoop arse on a cambion and went for another pillar wielding his legendary giant slaying sword, plus a few of the other things we looted from Raphaels house (I mean he wasn't using them, I don't know why he has his panties in a knot, maybe its because Craig is wearing his spare panties), and our minions tried to finish off the 4th pillar.

At this point Raphael had quite had enough of us disrupting his orderly life and he blew the bejeezus out of Myles with some weird super powerd fire spell.  Myles with 3hp looked around and decided it was time for a dirt-nap.  While he is napping the rest of us continued with Cambion and pillar mop up, and Dave finished his turn with a group heal that got Myles back up.   Talk about ungrateful ... its all "couldn't you have done that before my turn so I could heal", and "what am I supposed to do now".  Raphael fed up with the whining dropped the super fire spell on Myles again and blew him away, (deader than when Craig jumped from the bridge without reading the fine print).  So we sent Craig over to heal him, he dimension doored across the room and up one flight of stairs.  We forgot Craig he can't count (flights of stairs), or stick to a plan for more than one round, so we had to cajole him into actually raising Myles.

With everything else smashed, (pillars, Yurgi, Cambions) we finally turned our attention to Raphael.  We finished him off pretty quick, turns out all he is good for is Monologuing, making bad puns (about us being Hopeless), oh and blowing away Myles.  Zaph tried on his new legendary armor, we went for a swim in the rejuvenation spa (which stops working after you kill Raphael, or maybe Hope), then off to the exit, back to camp for a rest, and as expected Craig showed off his new pyjamas.   The emperor is getting a bit pissy with us now we have the hammer, almost as though he thinks we don't trust him (really the whole tentacle sex thing just creeped us out, along with him killing his bestie the dragon, and super charging Myles's psychic powers with some uber tadpole, not to mention the whole lying thing and keeping secrets).

After the usual shopping trip to sell all the crap, we visited the Gith in the sewers (shit hiding place dude) to let him know we has the Orphic hammer.  He rewarded us with the amazing Githyanki silver sword (more junk to carry).   Next off to kill Gortash and get his netherstone (which we hope isn't stored in his nether regions).    Apart from a globe of resistance, weird group bondage (tethering thing), and a shadowy fist of Bane it took us longer to find the dude than it did to kill him.   Without his army of Cyberdine killer robots he is just not up to snuff.  Of course Karlach is now pissed at us for killing him without her and demands to see the body (even though we dumped it in front of her, and I cut off his hand, she doesn't believe he is dead). 










Oh, and post game we tried out this Iron Flask. I'm not sure when we want to throw this thing.
It's awesome - but it could seriously go wrong.

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