There are many dark chapters in the history of our gaming group.
Some involve Craig opening chests early. Some involve Dave wandering into hostile ecosystems alone to pick flowers. Others involve Zaph pulling an entire dungeon because "it looked manageable."
But above all of these sits a moment so catastrophic, so historically embarrassing, that it has become the universal measuring stick for every poor decision we have made since.
We refer, of course, to The Gold Dragon Incident.
Or, as historians now catalogue it:
"The Event Which Shall Not Be Discussed."
Historical Context
The incident occurred during the early years of Neverwinter Nights, the classic RPG released in 2002 by BioWare. The game shipped with the Aurora toolset, which allowed players to create their own online worlds and run persistent multiplayer servers.
Within months of release, persistent worlds began appearing across the community.
Our group eventually found ourselves on a custom server known as NODNOL.
Yes.
That is "London" spelled backwards.
This should have been our first warning.
The NODNOL Server
NODNOL was running what would now be called an early survival system.
Players were required to:
forage for food
manage fatigue
carry bedrolls to sleep
maintain supplies while traveling
In short, if you ran out of provisions you did not simply fast‑travel somewhere convenient.
You died.
On the day in question the party had been travelling for quite some time and supplies were running dangerously low.
Food was gone.
Fatigue was mounting.
The town — and its desperately needed supplies — lay just ahead.
Reaching it meant survival.
The Town
The town itself appeared to be a safe haven.
Law and order were clearly strong here.
Merchants bustled about the marketplace.
A fountain sat proudly in the town square.
And standing beside it, calmly observing the activity of the townsfolk, was a magnificent Gold Dragon.
In Dungeons & Dragons lore, gold dragons are famously lawful‑good creatures devoted to justice, order, and protecting communities. (forgottenrealms.fandom.com)
In other words, this dragon was not a monster.
It was effectively the town sheriff.
### Exhibit A: The Town Square
Meanwhile, Sensible Things Were Happening
Dave (Shadowmage), Zaph, and Myles (molescat) were busy doing what starving adventurers normally do upon reaching civilization.
Trading.
Specifically trading an impressive quantity of rabbit pelts for desperately needed supplies.
The merchants were visited.
Deals were negotiated.
Coins changed hands.
Everyone behaved like responsible citizens.
For a few brief and shining minutes, everything was going perfectly.
Meanwhile, Craig
Craig (Pinback) was unsupervised.
This was the second warning.
While the rest of the party was conducting legitimate commerce, Craig noticed the dragon standing peacefully in the town square.
He studied it carefully.
He observed its size.
He observed the nearby guards.
He observed the very high law‑and‑order atmosphere of the town.
And Craig came to a decision.
Craig attempted to pickpocket the dragon.
A Technical Observation
This plan had several flaws.
The first problem is that dragons do not traditionally possess pockets.
The second problem is that stealing from the beloved guardian of a lawful town is typically considered a crime.
The third problem is that the server log recorded the event.
According to later testimony, the log clearly stated:
You attempt to pickpocket the dragon.
You fail.
The Consequences
What followed happened very quickly.
The dragon was not amused.
The town authorities were not amused.
And the game world reacted accordingly.
In Neverwinter Nights, when a pickpocket attempt is detected, the target NPC may immediately turn hostile and can trigger hostility in nearby factions such as guards or townsfolk. (nwn.fandom.com)
Which is more or less exactly what happened.
Meanwhile, Dave, Zaph, and Myles had absolutely no idea what had just occurred.
One moment they were peacefully trading rabbit pelts with merchants.
The next moment the town guards were attacking them.
There had been no warning.
No obvious provocation.
Just guards suddenly deciding the party was public enemy number one.
Under normal circumstances town guards are already difficult opponents.
Under the circumstances we were in — exhausted, hungry, and badly supplied — fighting them was not even remotely an option.
So we did what any sensible adventurers would do.
We ran.
Specifically, we fled south out of the town gate we had entered through, with guards chasing us and the dragon presumably observing the entire spectacle with profound disappointment.
The Wilderness Conference
Once safely outside the town walls the party regrouped.
"Safely" here meaning:
bleeding
exhausted
still starving
carrying nothing but coins
The supplies we had just bought were useless without access to the town itself.
Naturally, the discussion began.
The topic:
What in the nine hells just happened?
Dave was confused.
Zaph was confused.
Myles was confused.
Craig was... quiet.
Or offered helpful insights such as:
"I don't know."
This conversation continued for some time while the party attempted to reconstruct the sequence of events.
None of us had witnessed anything suspicious.
No one had attacked anyone.
No spells had been cast.
No chests had been opened.
Nothing made sense.
The Log
At this point someone had a brilliant idea.
Check the server log.
There, preserved forever in the impartial judgment of the game engine, was the truth.
The log revealed that Craig had attempted to pickpocket the gold dragon.
And failed.
Historians generally believe the entry looked something like this:
[Server Log – NODNOL]
Pinback attempts to pickpocket Gold Dragon.
Pinback fails pickpocket check.
Gold Dragon faction hostility triggered.
Town guards attack.
The mystery was solved.
The culprit was identified.
And the legend was born.
The Historical Debate
Craig has recently attempted to revise history.
His version involves heroic acts of daring theft, illustrated by artwork depicting him triumphantly stealing treasure from a dragon.
Multiple eyewitnesses dispute this interpretation.
The official record remains:
- Attempted pickpocket
- Failed roll
- Town exile
- Party death
The Hermit
Fleeing the town solved the immediate problem of guards trying to kill us.
It did not solve the larger problem that we were now:
exhausted
bleeding
starving
and banned from the only town with supplies for miles
More importantly, the cave was a tunnel leading to another region.
Which meant hope.
If we could get through the tunnel, perhaps the next towns over had not yet heard about the Gold Dragon Incident.
Dave, Zaph, and Myles did the sensible thing.
We entered the tunnel and hurried ahead.
Craig, meanwhile, was still lingering behind us near the hermit, continuing his spirited legal defense that he had done absolutely nothing wrong.
Then we heard him.
"WTF… I am dead."
Naturally we asked the obvious question.
"What did you do now?"
Craig’s response was immediate and familiar.
"Nothing."
So we checked the log.
[Server Log – NODNOL]Hermit casts Finger of Death on Pinback.Pinback fails saving throw.Pinback dies.
Apparently the hermit had opinions about what had happened back in town.
The Legacy
The Gold Dragon Incident occurred sometime around 2003, shortly after Neverwinter Nights launched and persistent worlds began to flourish.
Since then it has become the standard by which all disastrous gaming decisions are measured.
Examples include:
“This plan is bad, but it’s not Gold Dragon bad.”
“We may wipe here, but at least we didn’t try to rob the sheriff.”
“Craig, please stop clicking things.”
Even today, decades later, historians of the group maintain a respectful silence whenever the subject arises.
Except, of course, when we bring it up to blame Craig.
Memorial
A small monument now commemorates the fallen hero of that day.
Its inscription reads simply:
Here lies Craig
Died of embarrassment
From the Gold Dragon Incident of 2003
A fitting epitaph.
And a valuable lesson for future generations:
If you encounter a gold dragon peacefully guarding a town square…
Perhaps try trading rabbit pelts like everyone else.
Unless Craig is present.
In that case, supervise him carefully.
Historical Addendum:
1 comment:
whatever. Was still a bit of brilliant out of the box role playing though. Like Spock once said, "it had the virtue of never being tried before."
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