We rejoin our brave adventurers at their newly rebuilt base, a sprawling edifice that, depending on who you ask, is either a shining beacon of survival ingenuity or an architectural monstrosity with too many staircases.
Dave stands proudly, scanning the horizon for applause. None arrives.
“Where do I put this stuff?” asks Craig, dumping a suspiciously large pile of random loot into the middle of the floor.
“Why is it so big?” muses Myles, gazing at the looming walls.
“Is this our base? I don’t remember it looking like this,” says Zaph.
Dave exhales dramatically, the sigh of a man who knows he is surrounded by philistines. “Right. Focus up!”
“Listen carefully,” he commands. “Check your gear. Level 2 cutterays, medium blood bags, litterjons of water, Mk2 battery packs, Khirijon stillsuits or armour. And we’re not coming back until your backpacks are full.”
“Can we take our bikes?” Craig asks hopefully.
“No bikes,” Dave snaps. “This trip is on foot. Life in the desert is not a cakewalk.”
“There’s cake?” Craig perks up.
“No cake. No bikes. No slacking,” Dave growls.
And so, properly scolded, we set out. Up the stairs, out the back door, climbing the switchback path. We’re almost at the top when Myles pipes up: “Are we there yet?”
Dave sighs again. It is going to be one of those nights.
Lessons in Swordplay (and Patience)
“Draw swords!” Dave orders.
There’s a scavenger camp ahead, perfect for live combat drills.
Craig is crouched on the path, suspiciously still.
“What are you doing?” asks Dave.
“Drawing a sword,” Craig replies, pointing proudly at the doodle he’s etched into the dirt with his dagger.
“Two targets,” Dave continues. “On three, we attack.”
“Wait,” says Myles. “Is it on three, or do we attack after three?”
“We attack on three.”
“ONE!” yells Craig, immediately charging forward like a berserker.
Everyone else follows in varying degrees of confusion and enthusiasm.
“Stop hitting me!” shouts Dave as he fends off both scavengers and friendly fire.
“Swords suck!” complains Myles. “Why can’t I use my rifle?”
“Everyone needs to learn all weapons!” Dave declares. “It’s about skill versatility and team composition!”
“Swords suck!” Zaph echoes. “When do I get a sniper rifle?”
“When I say you can!” Dave roars. “And NOT A MOMENT SOONER.”
Blood Bags and Broken Seals
Fight over, we drain the bodies of blood (as you do), loot everything not nailed down, and press on.
In one cave we find corpses behind a broken moisture seal. Everyone turns slowly to look at Craig.
“It wasn’t me,” he says unconvincingly.
Dave’s Masterclass in Quicksand Navigation
At The Anvil trading post, we take a detour into a cliffside cave.
“Follow me,” says Dave. “Watch out for quicksand, heavy gunners, and—”
KER-THUNK.
Zaph leaps off a ledge, directly into a firefight. Dave rushes to assist and gets immediately bogged down in quicksand.
Luckily, everyone else is too busy swinging swords to notice his heroic flailing.
Bikes, Boosters, and Bad Ideas
Having survived our foot march, we zip across the dunes on our bikes.
At the top of a rise, we spot a Harkonnen base. Wisely, we avoid it and focus on gathering carbon crystals.
Back to base, unload, smelt steel.
Next up: “Evict squatters from an Imperial testing station. Dead or alive.”
“That’s our kind of gig,” Dave says cheerfully.
Myles tries out his bike booster and rockets ahead like a sandworm on espresso, waking every worm in a three-mile radius. The rest of us dive for the nearest rock.
Heavy Gunners: Craig’s Nemesis
Inside the Imperial station, we find a hologram delivering a welcome speech it’s been practicing for 10,000 years. We ignore it, drink all the water, loot every chest, and drain every corpse.
Combat is intense:
-
Dave and Zaph clean house on the left flank.
-
Myles and Craig… less so.
-
The heavy gunner turns Craig into salsa.
By the time Craig respawns, the team has moved on.
“Heavy Gunners: 3. Craig: 0.”
Of Fancy Pants and Moral Bankruptcy
We return to base laden with schematics for hats, gloves, and—most importantly—pants. Dave now answers only to “Mr Fancy Pants.”
Then comes Dave’s solo adventure.
While gathering iron ore, he finds an abandoned base, doors swinging open, storage unlocked. He politely robs them blind.
“350,000 credits,” he announces. “Left them 50,000. I’m only 80% a-hole.”
It takes three trips and four new storage chests to hold his loot.
Moral of the story: don’t forget to fuel your generators and lubricate your wind turbines.